The picture on the right is the little sign on the door of Arin Cafe on Anerley Hill in Crystal Palace.
Arin Cafe is run by Arin. Weird that. Good personal branding the kids would call it. I’ve been taking my son to Arin Cafe on a Saturday or a Sunday as a “boy’s thing” since he was old enough to walk the 500 meters without asking to be picked up. As well as the Set Breakfast 4 and Set Breakfast 5 with extra white toast, we have a plate of chips between us and always conspire not to tell his mum.
Anyway, this isn’t about me; it’s about Arin.
Arin’s amazing at what he does. The best. He always gives my lad a free milkshake - even though he’s a man now. He knows what we have, and he knows exactly how we like it cooked. Baked beans must be hot, eggs flipped and the bacon very well done. Whenever we’re away from home and the opportunity arises to try another cafe, we take it. In the 16 years we’ve been going to Arin’s, no one has ever come anywhere near the dining and eating experience Arin offers of this most British fast food. Arin’s Turkish, by the way.
As you can see Arin’s cafe is open a lot. 7 days a week. Granted, Arin has his brother helping him, but he’s there at 6 am every day, 7 on a Sunday, and he leaves at 4. Every single day. And then he has to actually “run” the business as well. So my guess is that each and every day is a 12 hour day. Minimum.
He works his bloody socks off. I asked him once why he works so hard, and he said, without hesitation: “for the kids init.” Occasionally, his kids are in the cafe at 7 am as I walk past. They’re always reading. I’ve met them a couple of times. They are always happy, and Arin clearly has a lot of love for them as they do for him.
You could argue that he’s not “present”. He’s out before they get up and like many working parents, he’s working so that they have opportunities they would not otherwise have. Yes, being there is bloody important, but so is putting food on the table, coats on their backs and enabling them to explore what potential life has to offer.
The picture on the left was taken by Richard North at his daughter’s recent gig at The Drum Sheds. Richard’s daughter has been working like a Trojan to break through as an artist, and it is happening…for real. She’s on the way. When Richard posted it, he shared that throughout most of his time as a dad, he’d been working, not always “present” and maybe carried a little guilt around as a result. But now, he shared, he was all in, and you can see that in the pride he has for what his daughter has achieved. Of course, like Arin, he’s actually always been there.
Richard might make a very good set breakfast, I don’t know. But what I do know is that he’s had a number of businesses over the years and the current one, WOW! Stuff, is about as forward-thinking as it gets. You don’t get to build four businesses and create such love in an industry unless you are 100% committed.
Both of these men have been the best dads they could be. If Arin didn't get up at 5 every morning to make breakfast for Crystal Palace, his kids wouldn’t be clothed, fed, and read. If Richard hadn’t put the graft in Jen would not have had DNA that has driven her to turn a talent into a career.
Arin’s kids are up and reading, and they’re great kids. Richard’s daughter is making her own way as a recording artist. And that, in part, is because of the approach to graft and parenthood that these two blokes have taken.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a mum or a dad, all you can do is the best you can do. And you can’t be in all the places all the time. The value a child derives from a loving parent who works hard goes beyond the material. Parents like Arin and Richard build the values that will last their kids a lifetime.
Next time you beat yourself up for not being there, just remind yourself of their bigger picture. You probably won’t be in it when it’s fully finished but there’s no doubting your presence in it.
